Loving Kindness Meditation: A Beginner’s Guide and Script

Loving kindness meditation is a practice where you silently repeat kind wishes, first for yourself and then for other people. Classic phrases are “may you be safe, may you be healthy, may you be happy, may you live with ease.” You do not need to feel warm right away. You just repeat the phrases gently and notice what happens.

It is a short, simple practice, and it often feels a little awkward at first. That is normal.

I am not a meditation teacher. I am a NASM-certified trainer with years in martial arts, and what I teach is the coach’s view: this is a skill you train with repetitions, not a feeling you wait for. Below you will find the phrases, a short script, and what to do when it feels fake.

Jump to a sectionIn this article11 sections

1. What Loving Kindness Meditation Is
2. What Research Suggests
3. Loving Kindness Phrases
4. The Five-Person Sequence
5. Start with a Loved One If Self Feels Hard
6. A Short Loving Kindness Script
7. What If It Feels Fake?
8. When It Brings up Hard Feelings
9. Your This-Week Plan
10. Quick Questions
11. The Bottom Line

What Loving Kindness Meditation Is

Loving kindness meditation is often called metta meditation. Metta is a word from Pali, an old language of early Buddhist texts, and it is usually translated as friendliness or goodwill. The practice comes from Buddhist tradition and has been taught for a very long time.

Today it is widely taught in secular settings too, including mindfulness courses and research studies. You do not need any belief system to try it. You are simply practicing a kind intention, the way you would practice a breathing pattern.

Most meditation trains attention. Loving kindness also trains attitude. You are rehearsing goodwill on purpose, toward yourself and toward people you feel all kinds of ways about.

What Research Suggests

Studies on loving kindness meditation are smaller and fewer than studies on breath-focused mindfulness, so it is worth staying modest.

Research suggests it may help some people feel more positive emotion, feel more connected to others, and be a little kinder to themselves. Some studies point to small drops in stress and self-criticism.

Results vary a lot from person to person, and it is not a treatment for depression or any other condition. For more on what meditation in general may do in the brain, see my post on meditation and brain relaxation.

Loving Kindness Phrases

The four classic phrases are:

1. May you be safe.
2. May you be healthy.
3. May you be happy.
4. May you live with ease.

When you direct them at yourself, swap “you” for “I”: may I be safe, may I be healthy, and so on.

You can change the words. The phrases should feel simple and believable, not grand. Some people prefer “may you be peaceful,” “may you be free from fear,” or “may you be kind to yourself.” Pick three or four and keep them the same for a few weeks. Repetition is what makes them settle in.

Avoid phrases that sound like orders or promises, like “you will be happy.” This practice is a wish, not a guarantee.

The Five-Person Sequence

The traditional order moves from easier to harder. You send the same phrases to each person in turn.

Person	Difficulty	What to Picture
Yourself	Varies	Picture yourself sitting right where you are, as you are today
Loved one	Easy	Someone whose face makes you smile, even a pet
Neutral person	Medium	A cashier, a neighbor, someone you see but do not really know
Difficult person	Hard	Start with someone mildly annoying, not someone who hurt you
Everyone	Open	People in your home, your street, your town, then everywhere

A beginner session might give each person about one minute. You do not have to get through all five. Two people done slowly is better than five rushed.

For Yourself

Traditionally you begin with yourself. The idea is that it is hard to offer steady goodwill to others when you are running on harsh self-talk.

For many women, this is the hardest part. If “may I be happy” makes you cringe, you are not doing it wrong. Read the next section.

For a Difficult Person

You do not need to like, forgive or excuse anyone. Wishing someone safety and ease is not approval of what they did. It is mostly about loosening the grip that resentment has on you.

Start small. Pick someone who cuts you off in traffic, not someone who caused real harm. If a person brings up strong distress, skip them. You can come back years from now, or never. Both are fine.

Start with a Loved One If Self Feels Hard

A question I hear a lot is, “Why does it feel so uncomfortable to wish myself well?” For plenty of people, being kind to themselves is the least practiced skill they have.

If that is you, flip the order. Start with someone easy to love, a close friend, a grandparent, even a dog. Let the warmth build there. Then add yourself to the picture: “May you and I both be safe.” After a week or two, try yourself alone.

You can also picture yourself at a younger age. Many people find it easier to wish a kid version of themselves well, and that is a perfectly good bridge.

A Short Loving Kindness Script

Here is a simple loving kindness script for about 6 minutes. Read it a few times, then do it from memory, or record it on your phone in your own voice.

1. Sit comfortably. Let your eyes close or rest your gaze on the floor. Take three slow breaths.
2. Place a hand on your chest if that feels good. Silently say: may I be safe, may I be healthy, may I be happy, may I live with ease. Repeat slowly for about a minute.
3. Bring to mind someone you love. Picture their face. Say: may you be safe, may you be healthy, may you be happy, may you live with ease. One minute.
4. Picture a neutral person you saw this week. Repeat the phrases for them. One minute.
5. If you feel steady, picture a mildly difficult person. Repeat the phrases slowly. If it gets heavy, go back to your loved one.
6. Widen out to everyone: the people in your home, your street, your town, the world. May all of us be safe, healthy, happy, and live with ease.
7. Let the phrases go. Sit for three breaths and notice how you feel, without judging it.

Say the phrases at the pace of a slow breath. One phrase on each out-breath works well for many beginners. If you lose your place, start again at the first phrase. Just like counting breaths, losing track is part of the practice.

What If It Feels Fake?

It often does at first. You say “may I be happy” and feel nothing, or you feel silly, or a critical voice says “oh please.”

That is common and does not mean it is failing. Think of it like the first weeks of strength training. The movement feels awkward before it feels natural, and you do not wait to feel strong before you lift. You lift, and strength follows. In the beginner classes I’ve taught, a common moment is someone saying a new technique feels clumsy. It always does, at first.

A few ways to make it feel more real:

• Shrink the phrases. “May I be okay today” is easier to mean than “may I be happy.”
• Use a memory. Recall a time someone was kind to you, and let that feeling lead.
• Say them like you mean them to someone else. Picture saying the words to a friend who is having a rough week.
• Lower the bar. The goal is the intention, not a warm glow.

When It Brings up Hard Feelings

Sometimes kindness practice stirs up grief, loneliness, or anger, especially around yourself or a difficult person. Tears can show up. That can be a normal part of slowing down.

If it happens, open your eyes, feel your feet on the floor, and take a few slow breaths. Go back to an easy person, or stop for today. If hard feelings show up every time or stay with you afterward, talk to a therapist.

Loving kindness is a gentle tool, not a substitute for support. If old pain keeps surfacing, my guide to mindfulness for emotional health covers some steadier, gentler starting points.

Your This-Week Plan

Same time each day helps, like after you brush your teeth at night.

1. Days 1 and 2: A loved one only, 3 minutes.
2. Days 3 and 4: Loved one, then yourself, 4 minutes.
3. Day 5: Loved one, yourself and a neutral person, 5 minutes.
4. Day 6: Add a mildly difficult person, 6 minutes.
5. Day 7: The full script, at your own pace.

Want the seven short scripts and a simple tracker in one place? Grab the free 7-Day Beginner Meditation Starter. If you are new to meditation in general, my guide on how to meditate for beginners covers posture, timing and the first month.

You can also pair this with a breath practice. A minute of breathing meditation before your phrases helps many people settle in.

More in this series: How to meditate for beginners, Types of meditation, Body scan meditation, Walking meditation.

Quick Questions

The Bottom Line

Loving kindness meditation is simple: pick a few kind phrases and offer them to yourself, a loved one, a neutral person, a difficult one, and everyone. It does not have to feel warm to be worth doing.

Start with whoever is easiest, keep sessions short, and treat it like any other skill. Repetitions first, feelings later.

This article is for general education and is not medical advice. If you are living with depression, trauma, grief or another mental health condition, check with your doctor or therapist before starting a practice that focuses on emotions.

Stop and take a break if the practice brings up distress that feels overwhelming or lasts after you finish, and reach out to a professional if that keeps happening. Loving kindness meditation can support your wellbeing, but it is not a substitute for care from a doctor or mental health professional.